How "Never Have I Ever" helped me process the death of my grandpa

An unlikely sign that took me for a wild ride with a serial teen dramedy

In late June, just a couple of days before his birthday, my paternal grandfather passed away.

Part of me thought it would have been really poetic if he made it to his 86th birthday and decided to use that day as his exit point. But he was ready to leave before then, and he made it to heaven in time to celebrate it up with his departed son and his first wife/soulmate, my dearly beloved grandma who I lost at the tender age of 6—the first family death that had a big impact on me.

We knew it was coming. His body was shutting down, and he’d expressed on multiple occasions that he was ready to go. I’m just grateful I got to see him one last time at the beginning of June, and while he seemed in good spirits, I could tell it would be the last time we’d be together.

When I got the news that he’d passed overnight, I remember feeling oddly calm. Sad but calm. I knew that’s what he wanted, and I loved knowing that he had a loving welcome committee waiting for him.

With my other grandpa who passed a couple of years ago, I had a very distinct feeling in my body once the transition had happened for him, not long after he passed. It was a feeling in my heart of peace and a sigh of relief, like he was saying, “Yep, I made it, I’m good!”

This time… It wasn’t quite like that. That same feeling didn’t happen, but he also passed overnight, and no dreams indicated his passing happened… So, I may have just missed that window of passage.

So, not long after I got the news, I sent a prayer and a request up the heavenly stairs. I asked them, my grandmother specifically, to give me a sign that Grandpa was at peace on the other side with her.

“What’s the sign I should look out for?” I asked.

Tennis.

That’s all I got from the other side. Tennis would be my sign.

And at first, I was like… You’ve got to be kidding me.

Tennis is something that hardly ever crosses my path in my day-to-day life. I thought the odds of that sign showing up were slim to none. However, both my grandparents loved to play tennis, so I put aside my doubts and trusted that tennis would show up in some way.

As you have to learn to do when you’re in communication with the spirit realm… Trust.

The same night following my request, when I was relaxing and deciding what comfort watch to indulge in… Instead of the Bridgerton/Queen Charlotte kick I’d been on, I felt pulled to watch something new. Something quite specific, a show I knew practically nothing about, except that it was a hit.

Never Have I Ever.

Which is (mostly) narrated by John frickin McEnroe. AKA: a hot-headed tennis champion. The introduction of this show included none other than a reference to McEnroe’s career, paired with tennis footage. Which ended up being a common theme throughout the entire show.

In other words…

TENNIS.

I cried. First episode. Right off the bat.

That was my sign. My confirmation that all was well with my grandfather.

And then I quickly learned that the show centers around a nerdy, hot-headed teen, Devi, who sadly witnesses her father dying at an orchestra concert. The family/friend-centric show is about how this young girl processes her trauma while trying to become a popular, sexified teenager—whose life purpose is also to go to Princeton. (It’s a hilarious, tear-jerking, angsty romp of a teenage show, and I loved every minute of it.)

Now I didn’t know this about the show going in: that it was about her coming to terms with her trauma and grief around her father’s death. And I gotta say quite a few episodes made me cry ugly tears, especially in the moments her father comes to her.

The moment when she discovered a voicemail from her dad reminded me that I, too, still have a voice message from my grandpa that I will never be deleting. Not that I could ever forget his voice, the unique way only he said my name, or how his British accent slipped in on a couple of words… But it’s nice to still have that record of him.

In the series finale, I realized that the positive, optimistic character of her father matched my grandpa’s energy in the life he just left. Always seeking adventure, always a positive attitude, and always sharing love with those he cherished whenever he could. Unafraid to be himself while always being kind and caring to everyone he knew. And a love for tennis.

The parallels were beautiful and showed me how universal these themes can be for anyone, not just feisty teenagers.

You know, last night I wasn’t sure what I wanted to share here this weekend yet, despite knowing I wanted to write something that felt inspired… and I woke up today thinking, “I just want to watch Never Have I Ever.” And I ended up finishing the series.

(That is, after going back to the beginning because once I realized the fourth & final season had premiered right before I started watching, I didn’t want it to end so I had been rewatching it from the beginning…)

And it was emotional, coming full circle in a beautiful way.

Thus the topic of today’s message came to me.

Surprisingly enough, this show has helped me to cry and process my own grief over the loss of those I love.

Yes, love, because love never dies, and it extends to many layers of ether surrounding all of us. Love because I’ll never stop loving my dear & departed grandparents, and I know they still love me, too.

During the recent memorial service for my grandpa and the subsequent spreading of his ashes (something Devi also does in the show)… Somehow I really felt at peace. I couldn’t help but be grateful for the confirmation that I was able to receive from his spirit that all was well… I think that’s what helped me to have that peace in myself.

And I hope, in feeling such peace, I was able to support the rest of my grieving family by holding a solid, safe space for them to feel what they needed to in their own process.

Because sometimes that’s all we need… A safe space to feel our feelings. Grief is a feeling that swells and falls, and instead of trying to fight it, it’s better to just ride the waves of it. That way it’s easier to find the moments of peace between the swells.

So, thank you Mindy Kaling for creating a show that made me sob uncontrollably one minute and in the next make me laugh so hard, I’d have to pause it to make sure I didn’t miss the next thing. Somehow my own emotional processing was eased, having balled my eyes out to half the episodes.

And a thank you to Grandpa, who chose one heck of a show to nudge me towards to communicate to me that he was alllll good. I hope he enjoyed it while I watched it too.

And a final message for you:

If you ever feel like you’re missing someone who’s left this physical plane, take a moment and ask out loud, as if you’re talking to them, to send you a sign of their love for you.

Ask what that sign might be and see what comes to you.

Or you can pick a symbol that represents something significant about them to you, and ask them to send you a sign with that symbol.

Then, keep your ears and eyes peeled.

Odds are, they will surprise you and show you exactly what you’re looking for in the most unexpected way.

PS: Since then, I’ve also seen a tennis racquet left behind at the nearby park where I never really noticed there were tennis courts at… I think I’ll notice that much more now.